On to the Next Step

Well I'm back. Semen Analysis #4 is in the books...and still a big fat 0. After 9 months of vitamins and supplements, 6 months of Anastrazole and 3 months of Clomid we were so hopeful there would be a change. We have seen lots of physical changes from the rise in Testosterone so we had hope, but again that was ripped right out from under us. After lots of discussion and thought we have decided to do the MicroTESE surgery rather than wait another 3 months. The emotional toll it takes on both of us, but me especially is too much. I am a planner and I need answers. I cannot handle waiting any longer and wondering what is going to happen. The days leading up to the Semen Analysis tests are like torture, I barely sleep and my anxiety is through the roof. After the news, I completely shut down for a few days until I am able to pick myself back up again. The strain on a marriage is on another level when you are dealing with infertility, you have two different personalities dealing with a very serious and emotional issue in very different ways. We have actually started seeing a therapist to help us work through all of this and it has been difficult but good so far. I'm hoping to get the surgery on the schedule for early July and as weird as it sounds I am excited and feeling a lot of relief knowing that we are finally towards the end of this part of our journey. We will finally have an answer as to whether or not we can even try to have biological children. Eric is convinced they will find something, I am more skeptical and am preparing myself for the donor route. I hope he is right...for once haha. Overall we are doing well, considering this has been going on for nearly a year. Right now we are packing our bags and looking forward to our trip to the Riviera Maya for our 5 year wedding anniversary. Time to rest, refresh and take some time away together to just have some fun! Hopefully next time I am back I will have some exciting news to share, but either way at least we will finally know and will know what path we need to take!