Closing a Chapter

Where oh where to begin. Obviously I have not been very good at updating things on here, 2023 was a bit of a whirlwind. We started the year by meeting with our doctor at Cleveland Clinic in January, doing the Saline Infused Sonogram, getting the green light to do another transfer, starting the meds, doing the ultrasounds, even starting PIO for our February 14, 2023 scheduled transfer, unfortunately that was canceled a week before. We took some time to breathe, regroup, enjoy life as a little family, and tried again. On June 22, 2023 we transferred our next embryo, and IT WORKED, although I didn't get a firm positive on an at home test until 12 days post transfer! Day 14 was BETA day and it was 427, Day 22, it was 5,881. I was PREGNANT again. I was officially released from our IVF clinic on July 20, 2023.

We welcomed our beautiful and perfect baby girl in February 2024. She has completed our family and made it so much better in every single way. Our son is obsessed with his baby sister and has taken on the role of protective and doting big brother perfectly.

Both pregnancies were difficult for me, I had preeclampsia both times and was induced early due to it both times. This time however, things took a turn for the worse right after our daughter was born. Unfortunately I had undiagnosed placenta accreta and the placenta would not deliver. It took two doctors pushing, pulling, scraping and sticking practically their entire arms inside of me to finally get it out. Once they thought everything was out and I was all good, they sat me up so I could hold my daughter, as soon as they did that, I looked to my husband and said “I don’t feel right”. That is when I coded on the table. I had hemorrhaged and went into Hypovolemic Shock, my husband said I went completely white, had blue lips and slumped over.

Within seconds there was a room full of doctors working on me, pumping me full of medications to stabilize me. My blood pressure had plummeted and I had lost 1,975cc of blood. I was rushed to the OR for an emergency D&C for retained placenta. I lost an additional 275cc of blood in the OR. Once I woke up the doctor said I had lost over 40% of the blood in my body and that I was lucky to be alive.

I don’t remember much, however I do remember looking over at my husband who was holding our newborn daughter in the corner of the room as I was losing consciousness. I couldn't hear a thing, my body had begun to shut itself down. I also remember watching the lights pass over me in the hallway as I was being wheeled to the OR with the thought of “please god let me be ok, do not take me away from my babies”.

My daughter was born at 5:48pm and at 2:20am we were approved to be moved up to postpartum recovery. I had to receive twice daily infusions and multiple rounds of RhoGAM over the next 2 days. I can tell you that iron infusions are not fun, if an all over burning feeling running through your veins is something you like, then iron transfusions are for you! Thankfully, I was fine and I owe everything to my amazing team of midwives and doctors at Summa Medical. If it weren't for them, their quick thinking and quick action, things could have ended very differently.

It has been almost 6 months and I now have anemia requiring daily iron medications and a rectocele, likely due to the emergency placenta removal and D&C surgery. I have been seeing a pelvic floor therapist to try to improve my pelvic floor strength and vaginal walls. I'm hoping to avoid another surgery for reconstruction.

While we do still have 1 frozen embryo, given everything that happened Eric and I both feel that maybe we shouldn’t push our luck and should count our blessings, two absolutely beautiful and perfect ones to be exact.

So with that, we are closing this very long 6 year journey....at least for now. Maybe we will be back, maybe we won't. Until then we reflect on the journey we have taken to get here. A journey of so much difficulty, but so much joy. So much ugly, but so much beauty. So much sadness, but yet the best thing that has ever happened to us. Without the miracle of MicroTESE and IVF we wouldn’t have our children, the two most beautiful little creatures I have ever seen and have had the privilege to know. If asked whether we would do it all over again, absolutely, without a doubt! Our kids are worth every fight, tear, poke, prod and dollar! Sometimes it’s hard to remember all of the pain and sadness that we went through and felt. Sometimes it’s hard to forget it. It still is, even to this day, the hardest and most traumatic part of my life, and put the most strain on our relationship in the 14 years that we have been together. I would never wish infertility on my worst enemy.

I have been honored to have been given the opportunity to share our story and to help other couples. Meeting with local and national media, including TODAY was certainly interesting, but hearing from others going through something similar and hearing how we have helped them is why we did it. We got our share of ugly and judgmental comments, even some calling our kids abominations, but showing that infertility affects anyone, everyday normal people, male, female, young and old is so important. It will help to normalize it, to show that it is not a luxury designer baby thing. It isn't a celebrity or rich person thing, it most certainly is not an elective thing. The more people share and talk about it, the better chance we have of infertility being recognized for what it is, a medical condition, that absolutely should be covered by insurance for all. It should not become a financial burden to anyone and it should not carry a negative stigma. No one should ever be made to feel alone, ashamed or embarrassed to be dealing with infertility or for going through IVF.

Through this process I have also been blessed by making a great friend, someone I would have never met otherwise, living several states away, joined by the terrible diagnosis of Azoospermia. It has been 6 years, we have both had children, Eric and I biologically, her and her husband by using a sperm donor, we still remain friends and cannot wait for the day to introduce our little Azoospermia/IVF miracle babies to each other and tell them the stories of how they came to join this world! The same diagnosis, two different stories and journeys, both with beautiful, unique and happy endings!

To anyone out there going through this process, anyone that has just received a diagnosis, anyone that has had one baby and is still praying for another, or anyone that has also closed the chapter, we see you, we feel you, we are also you. Your story is and will continue to be beautiful, no matter how it goes! It’s never truly the end, only a new beginning.

Love Always,

Brienne & Eric