Looking Back And Moving Forward (A Husband's Perspective)

With 2019 coming to an end, it is time to reflect on the previous year and to look forward for the new year. I know what you are thinking and how cliché that sounds, but this year was truly a year to reflect on.

The start of 2019 was probably the hardest and lowest time in my life. As others were celebrating a new beginning, my wife and I had to deal with the reality that our dream of being parents was going to be a difficult journey, with the possibility that it would not be possible. As 2018 ended and two semen analyses later, we were told no sperm could be found. We now knew that our year was going to be doctor visit after doctor visit, with the possibility that we would be told that we could never be biological parents.

The year was filled with doctor visits, blood work and medication. Each moment of high hopes was met with a crushing letdown as more semen analyses came back with no sperm which brought us back to square one. As we were forced with the realization that no sperm would be found and medical bills escalating, our relationship began to take a toll. Our fights started to increase in frequency and tension, we began to feel distant from one another and even couple bounding experiences, such as a long-awaited trip to Mexico, were unenjoyable due to the stress.

Then it was August and September and time for a last-minute Hail Mary in our hopes to be biological parents: MicroTESE and egg retrieval surgery. After spending nearly $5,000 on medications, we first had to develop my wife’s eggs, that way we would have enough mature eggs to retrieve to fertilize. Saying I am proud of my wife for everything she went through in hopes of being a mother, doesn’t express my feelings enough. Despite her fear of needles, my wife bravely took three different shots of medicine twice daily and had to get up early every other day to have images of her ovaries and bloodwork taken. With each shot that I administered and each visit to the doctor’s office, some on weekends and on days off, I wished I could switch places with her. It is hard seeing your wife in pain and being forced to face her fears every day, all because you possibly had no sperm and couldn’t naturally have a child. What made it harder was there was a possibility that all of this was for nothing.

Then September 6, 2019 happened. That was the day we would get our answer one way or the other if it would be possible for us to be biological parents. On that day, my wife Brienne and I made our way to Cleveland Clinic’s surgical facility in Beachwood, OH. I was the first one who entered the preparation area. I had to say goodbye to my wife, as she made her way to the other end of the building to wait for her time for surgery to begin. As the nurse walked me back to the preparation area, the butterflies in my stomach began to go out of control. Although from the beginning I told my wife that I knew there was sperm, the possibility of that not being true and the doubt associated with that began to creep up. As I sat in my waiting room, naked, with only a thin cover-up and a hair cover, I was left to my thoughts and fears. I began to think about being told no sperm was found, I could picture the heartbreaking look on my wife’s face and knowing I took this away from her. I did the only thing I could think of in a moment of panic: I prayed to God, I prayed to Mary and as a Catholic, I prayed to every saint I could possibly remember, despite my racing heart and thoughts running wild. I just knew I needed every help I could get.

Then it was time. I remember walking to the operating room. It was a short walk but at that moment it felt like I was walking across the country. As I got in, I see my doctor and others who will be helping with the operation. I remember laying down on the table and being strapped up to monitors, but then all I could remember was waking up in the recovery room. Once I was able to realize this wasn’t a dream and I really did just have surgery, a million thoughts ran to my mind. Is Brienne okay? Is she awake? DID THEY FIND SPERM!?! My heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest.

Then the nurse noticed I was awake, and he asked how I was doing. After I answered and before I could ask the main question racing through my mind, he blurted out that sperm was found, and he walked away to get me some refreshments. To him it probably seemed like nothing, but to me I hit the lottery. I remember laying my head back, smiling, looking up to the sky and just shedding some tears that I couldn’t hold back. I also remember when my wife was ushered back to see me, I was happy to see her and overjoyed, but the first thing that came out of my mouth was “I told you so,” referring to sperm being found.

In the coming days, we would be glued to our phones waiting for updates. There were ups and downs but then we were left with the ultimate joy. Six days later, we had three embryos frozen and waiting for us to transfer them. THREE EMBRYOS!!! As if that wasn’t exciting enough, we were told there were additional vials of sperm frozen as well. We were one step closer to being parents.

2019 began with sorrow and fear. As the year continued, stress and arguments increased, but it is ending with happiness and hope.

While there are still many steps to go, more visits to the doctors, more shots, more blood work and unfortunately more medical bills, I look at 2020 with promise and joy. I know this year will be our year. With the stress of not knowing behind us and an even stronger couple, I am excited to continue the journey.

I also can’t wait to meet the eventual Baby Alves. My wife and I joke that they will be the most expensive baby on earth and will have to be a professional athlete or extremely wealthy to repay us, but the truth is, they will be the most wanted and most loved child on earth. They will be a miracle in every sense of the word.

Thank you to everyone who has stood by our side and helped us in 2019 and stay tuned in 2020, I know big things are in store for the Alves’!

Happy New Year everyone!