It's Been a While

So it has been a little bit since I put my thoughts into words, luckily we got to take a bit of a break and had some time to process everything that is going on. The initial shock has since passed and now I am more determined than ever to figure out what is going on and hopefully find a solution. The one thing there unfortunately is no solution for is the news we received at our last doctors visit. About a month ago we met with the reproductive endocrinologist again to go over all of the findings from the hundreds of blood tests we have both had done. We found out that I have “diminished egg reserve” meaning my egg supply is very low for someone at the age of 30, the doctor even compared my numbers to that of a 40 year old woman. She said this wouldn’t be an issue if we were able to get pregnant naturally however this apparently further complicates the whole IVF process and lowers the chances of success pretty significantly. Not exactly the news you want to hear when your only option of getting pregnant is IVF, that is assuming we find out that Eric produces sperm. We have our first appointment with the fertility urologist in a few days and we have a second opinion appointment in a few weeks with another doctor. We have even reached out and spoken with Dr. Turek in California, he is one of the world leading specialists in the field of male infertility. He gave us some great insight and recommendations and we both felt a bit better and more hopeful after talking with him. We have also started the daunting task of applying for grants and scholarships. We will certainly need all of the help we can get since the doctors have told us we are looking at $40-$50,000 all in after doing Eric’s procedures and one round of IVF with ICSI. This is a cost we simply cannot pull off on our own. We are extremely grateful to at least live in one of the 15 states with some infertility health insurance mandates, although a majority of the things are still not covered, including IVF but every little bit helps! So my advice to anyone and everyone going through this, it’s ok to feel sad and angry - you will be up and down constantly. Be there and be strong for each other, you are both going through and feeling this together. Take some time, as much as you need to process what is happening, to research your options and to think about what you really want. It might take months to fully understand and accept what is going on and that’s ok. I still don’t 100% understand why this is happening to us but I do know now that no matter what we will be ok. It has taken me a few months to get to this point and several fights, arguments and crying sessions in between, but we have been there for each other and will continue to be. We have discussed our options and while we don’t have a clear plan for moving forward we know each other’s thought and feelings on each of the options and we will cross that bridge when we get there. Right now we keep looking forward, moving on, praying and hoping that we can biologically have our own children together.