Here We Go Again

Well finally an update but not the update we wanted. Last week was Eric’s 3 month follow up since starting on Anastrozole. Once again he had to do his thing with a cup...his favorite. Unfortunately still no sperm. We were so sure there would be something this time. We have seen other positive signs/results. His bald spots from alopecia have filled in, he actually has chest hair growing and he has lost weight and gained muscles. He feels less tired and had cut out almost all coffee minus a cup here and there. Unfortunately a semen analysis doesn’t lie and it still didn’t help in the way we needed it to. The Dr. suggested he try Clomid and added that to his lineup of pills so he is now taking Clomid and Anastrozole every Monday, Wednesday and Friday as well as the other vitamins and supplements including a Multi vitamin, Co Q-10, Royal Jelly, L-Carnitine, Vitamin D, Vitamin C, Ashwagandha and Fertility Blend for men. So now we wait another 3 months to do another Semen Analysis and see what happens. He also goes back for another round of bloodwork in a month to see where his testosterone and estradiol levels are this time. Crossing all fingers this actually works. If still nothing we will give Clomid another 3 months before deciding to finally do the MicroTESE surgery. This journey certainly isn’t short, we are only 4 months shy of a year trying to figure out this male factor infertility thing and let me tell you it has been the hardest year ever. In that time 2 cousins have had babies, 3 friends have announced their pregnancies and 2 coworkers have gotten pregnant. Some without even trying. Each announcement comes like a punch in the gut and the emotional toll it takes is very hard for both of us. The amount of anxiety and fear I have developed surrounding our future is overwhelming and constantly having to explain to others what is going on and hoping they might understand even though I know they don’t is exhausting. I feel like I’m on an island all alone sometimes and that is really hard. Our marriage has changed dramatically from this, we find ourselves on edge and fighting a lot more, we have even decided to start seeing a marriage counselor before things get worse. It’s easy to turn on each other and play the blame game in this situation but the reality is that it’s not anyone’s fault, it’s simply an unfortunate situation. Here’s to hope and faith and prayers because right now that is all we have to hold on to until bloodwork next month and our next visit in May.