BETA says YES!

I’ve been trying to figure out how to write this post and put it all into words. Maybe because I cannot believe it’s true, maybe I’m afraid something will change, or maybe because I feel a sense of guilt. But it is true, Eric and I are pregnant with our first child. Our FET was a success and we are due in November. Our transfer was on March 9th and on March 11th I had some cramping, like my period was on it’s way. Then on March 15th I started having some brown bleeding. I took a test on day 5 post transfer and it was as negative as could be so I had counted myself out. On March 18th I decided to take one last test, the last pregnancy test that I had in the house from my hopeful stockpile. Sure enough there were two pink lines almost instantly. For the first time in my life I was looking as a positive test. March 19th also happened to be Eric’s 33rd birthday so what a wonderful gift it was to be able to tell my husband that after everything he was going to become a dad, something he wants more than anything. It was a very emotional day, with lots of happy tears!

Today I went for my first BETA to confirm pregnancy and sure enough my number was 854, well above the 300 Cleveland Clinic likes to see. While I am over the moon and so is Eric I cannot help but feel a bit of guilt. Guilt because I feel like we have had it easy compared to others. We found sperm, we got three embryos from our first IVF and our first FET has resulted in a pregnancy. So many others go through round after round of IVF or go through MicroTEST only to find no sperm and I cannot help but think of them and hurt for them and wish for them to know someday what this feels like all while feeling guilty about being happy for us. The truth is we did not have it easy, this had been one of the hardest and most challenging things we have been through. We are in a weird place, pregnant but still infertile. Infertile but yet pregnant. Happy and terrified and not quite sure where we fit in.

I still have 6 weeks of PIO shots and Estrogen to go and believe me that is no walk in the park! In fact I have an allergy to the Progesterone but I have no choice but to take it. I have ended up with large itchy welts on my back, mosquito bites almost. My skin is also constantly burning. I will never complain about it though because it's what has to be done and what will give us our baby! It’s so hard to believe we are here, finally to this point. Two years ago we were told by our first doctor there was no hope for us and the only way we could ever have children was by using a sperm donor and that was if I even had any good eggs with my low AMH numbers. I’m so glad I refused to listen to her and that I don’t take no for an answer. I fought until the end. I fought for Eric, I fought for me and I fought for our future family. Anyone else out there in the same boat, don't ever give up. Get a second opinion, get a third and a forth. We got got six. Four male infertility specialists and two reproductive endocrinologists. We are also so fortunate to have Cleveland Clinic just 40 minutes up the road from us, ranked number three in the country for male infertility and renowned for their IVF lab. We will forever be grateful to them, to Dr. Goldberg (Brienne's RE), Dr. Parekh (Eric's Dr.) and our amazing nurse Cindy (IVF Coordinator). They were on our side the entire time and still are! I wish I could go back to the original Dr. and tell her just how wrong she was!